No I’m not reading her diary behind her back. She passed away back in Nov. and before she passed she told me to read all of her dairies.
My wife was the love of my life and, she give me 2 wonderful little girls. I ever seen myself with any other woman but I’m finding out my wife lived one type of life when we were together and a totally different life when she was young and when she traveled for work.
She started writing her dairies when she was only 12. Her mom give her a diary for her birthday which was on Jan 3. I decided to start reading them from the 1st one. I had just opened it when my oldest daughter walked into the den and yelled ‘ STOP DON’T READ THAT DAD, PLEASE DON’T. ‘ I didn’t understand why she didn’t want me reading my dead wife’s diary. I did find out later on.
I put the book down asking her why I shouldn’t read what my wife had asked me to read before she passed? She looked at the floor and said if you read that you won’t want me anymore or love mom anymore. I told her that there was nothing in this world that could stop me from loving her, as I put the diary back in the box I had got it out of. My daughter had her color come back to her face as she turned as if the leave before stopping. Over her shoulder she said dad please just remember mom the way you do now. The best thing you could do for this family is burn those diaries.
I was so confused by what my daughter was so upset about, I mean her mom had asked me to read these diaries so what could be that bad in them. I decided I would take the box of diaries up to my bedroom and put them in my closet way out in the back. Later that night I found I could sleep so I went and got out my wife’s very first diary.
It was of her 12th year of life and I hoped it would help with my youngest daughter who just turned 13. As I read how she thought just boy was hot and how this other girl had been a bitch to her which I thought was just normal young girl stuff. When I got to May. She was very excited cause her parents were going to take them camping. They were going on the long weekend and backpack up a mountain to a spring feed lake. They went even thou it was going to be cooler than normal. She talked about getting up at 4 in the morning driving 6 hours then hiking for 7 more hours to get to where they were going to camp.
She talked about helping make camp and cooking hotdogs over a open fire and singing after the dogs before getting ready for bed. She then said how her brother and her were going to sleep in one tent and her parents in the other. She said it got very cold and her brother said if they zip their bags together that their body heat would keep them warm. She then went on about feeling her brother behind her and how his cock was hard and pushing against her bum. She said she laid there very quiet as he grabbed her panties and pulled them down to her knees. She said she tried to move away from him but he was 2 years older and a lot bigger then she was. First she felt his fingers touching her before he pushed his cock against her with it starting to go in. She went to say how bad it hurt as he forced himself deep inside. She didn’t scream cause she knew her dad would get mad at them and take them back home. She said it lasted a long time with him grunting in her ear before stopping for a few seconds before he started moving in and out of her again. She said some of the pain started to go away when he pushed hard against her for the second as he grunted in her ear.
She said he didn’t say a single word the whole time but, after he went soft he pulled out pulling up his underwear and rolled over going to sleep. She said she never slept at all that night and come day light he dad was up chopping wood for a fire. She said all day her brother never said a word to her about what he did but, that night he did it again but only once before going to sleep.
I knew there was a reason I didn’t like her brother other then he was a blow heart who thought he knows everything when he knows jack shit. He seemed to come around if my wife was home by herself and I began to wonder if he came by to rape her like he did as a teenager. As I read on she goes into how he would come into her bedroom late at night and fuck her until she had her first period. She said it was a Sunday when she got her first period with cramps so bad they made her cry. Her mom showed her how to place a pad on her panties and give her a couple pills for the cramps.
She then wrote how things changed, he now would still come into her bedroom but made her suck on his cock and when he came he would push himself into her throat so his cum would go down her throat into her belly. She said he started calling her his cum slut when they were alone or at night when he made her suck his cock. She said that when he didn’t make her suck him and didn’t have a condom cause he had started using them when he could get some, that one night he made her suck on him and then had her get on her hands and knees. She said she thought he was going to push in her like he had done so many times before but, instead he spit on her bum hole just before his pushed his cock hard against that hole. She told of how that pain was about the same as that first night in the tent but different. She wrote how she begged him to pull out, but he only laughed and kept on pushing himself in deeper and deeper. This time she said that she cried through the whole thing as he kept fucking her bum hole. She said that when he came this time she could feel it hit inside of her bum.
I thought back when we started to date how innocent she acted, like she really didn’t know much about sex. She only started to deep throat me about 8 years after we were married. She was pregnant with our oldest daughter. I read the whole year and felt so sorry I didn’t know what had happened to her as a young girl at the hands of her brother. But I do remember when her brother said that if we ever wanted to get away on a holiday just the two of us how, he would be more then happy to move in here and look after our girls. It was one of the only times I never seen my wife get mad at her brother, and even told him to leave. I asked her after he left what that was all about but, she said it was ancient history and she may tell me someday.
I only got maybe an hour of sleep, before I was up early calling my asshole brother in-law. He come to the phone after his wife had to wake his lazy ass up. I told him that at my wife’s request that I started reading her diaries. I then went on saying that book 1 was all about her 12th year of being on this earth, and about her first camping trip with you and her parents up to a lake. I said she wrote it down in every detail what happened at that lake and specially, what her older brother, the guy who should’ve been protecting her did to his young preteen sister, and what happened even after you were back at home. He was sputtering on the other side of the phone as I went on saying that if he ever came within 10 miles of either of my daughters when I wasn’t there that, I would spread pieces of his body from one end of the country to the other. He started to say that she asked for it, when I broke in saying that if he wanted to live that he better shut his fucking mouth and just listen. He shut the fuck up as I said in a very quiet reserved voice, that if he even so much as called my daughters on the phone that what I said before would happen quickly. I hung the phone up without saying any kind of goodbyes.
My oldest daughter walked in the kitchen a few minutes later, as she did she stopped freezing in her tracks before she said ” I told you not to read those dairies dad. Now please take them, and burn them cause they will only hurt you even more.” I only hung my head down as I thought how in the world could I feel even more hurt then I do right now.
That was only the first diary, what was there, something like 26 more. I’m not sure if I can read anymore. Maybe my daughter is right, I should burn the whole lot of then. But hold on, there’s something in those diaries my daughter doesn’t want me to know about, maybe I should read them all just once before I burn them.
